BERKS

One day, one of my students frantically asked me about my crush. Seemingly, I was a dumb person who couldn’t even utter a single word. With this, after four months of being pretentious about my feelings towards him, I have forced to disclose the truth of trepidation that I was in loved with one of my students named Berks. This is the sweetest name, which I used to call him.
Everybody was looking at each other, which reflected in their eyes the ambiguousity about the revelation of the truth. That moment was rather engulfed with silence and excitement. It was a surprise indeed, but a mixture of embarrassment in my part.
Wanted to be an independent person, I have lived in a boardinghouse nearby our home. Within this house, I have just gone out in my room whenever I would have attended my classes at a barrio high school. I seldom walked throughout the community because I was afraid that somebody might intrude into my privacy.
This was I, whenever I have had a problem. I have just kept it by myself. Aloof. Intimidated. Weak. And Hopeless.
It was July when I have firstly met Berks in my boardinghouse. He is indeed the grandson of my landlady. He was then unexpectedly suffering from an excruciating operation in an appendix. It was indeed a coincidence, which I have never been anticipated that we could talk each other undoubtedly. Along with our conversation, I have known that his mother decided to transfer him in our school where I was assigned as Local Secondary School Board teacher. This has brought me the world with hopeful smile.
As a teacher, I should not let myself engage in this kind of affairs, but how can I not mend this inevitable emotion knowing the fact that my heart had spoken the hyperbolic feelings towards him.
Yes, I am a product of a prominent state university; however, I never thought and somehow dreamed to attract with my students. Indeed, before I meet him, I was a person who wore a horde of laurels; a person who is full of aspirations in life; ready to serve the humanity with my utmost competence, honesty, commitment, and professionalism in the art of teaching.
While going through these pages, I have become nonchalant to pursue all my endeavors. I have become pessimist and narrow minded. Seemingly, my life is not complete without him. He is always in my mind. I couldn’t even resist the time to stare at him closely when we have seen each other. I oftentimes dream him to go beside me to fill all the care and love, which my family cannot instantly give to me; and mesmerize to live with him the rest of my life.
With this, I have come to realize that he is not the obstacle of my purposes on earth rather he is the music of my soul.
I can barely recall our sweet memories whenever I was tired and groggy, he made me lively; whenever I was discouraged, he gave me hope; whenever I was in doubt, he gave me faith; whenever I was in solitude, he gave more his time to talk with me; whenever I was financially worried, he gave me comfort and inspiration; whenever I was in dilemma, he gave me the right direction; and, whenever I was out of control, he made me behaved and refined.
For me, he is the perfect and valiant hero I have ever known. He is presumably the Paris of my Life. These are what I believe, but all my friends were against with him. They said that he was just the toxic of my career and the rocky road that nobody can be traveled by.
Yet, knowing that Berks is naughty and rude in the class or in the community so to speak; I never put myself in a quadrant of embarrassment and despondency instead I have become proud of myself and letting patiently all the barriotic people angry with me because I believe he is the irony of what they think of and see in him. Ironically, he is intelligent, sweet, understanding, respectful, musically inclined, courageous, open-minded, and thoughtful.
With all the pessimistic ideas have brought about by the changing fortunes of time are turning to the extreme realism and naturalism. This has spoken of the real scenario that life is a bank of mysteries, which even the gifted people can never predict when this will become a fossils of truth. Nevertheless, we look it into our hearts and looking at our own identity.
Now, I believe that Berks is my living angel who saves me from darkness.




August 29, 2007
Oroña’s Residence
Legazpi City